It’s your own internal confirmation, while the silent openness is present, which makes the recognition stable.

Advaita Post, Volume 10 No 17

Don’t think that you can enlighten yourself

Text Satsang

From a talk in Gouda May 27, 2009 – “Feeling energies as help with liberation”

Douwe: You keep a border in place and through that a structure with a focus on other things. There is a longing and a warding off. You know that for yourself. With that desire and warding off there is no wholeness. So long as you retain the structure of desire, your experience of self-being is never complete. Isn’t that right?

The structure of the desire for something is dualistic: here I have my own being-sphere and I want to add something else to it, expand my territory. That’s not so crazy, because you rightly have a notion of whole-being. As long as separation remains, the lack of the remainder is a given fact and so a desire remains. This goes on forever. When you get a little something, your world becomes a little bit bigger; you have more possessions, more power; you can be more yourself. But if you remain in the sphere of duality, the process continues and you always desire the next thing. When you get what you desire, it often happens at the expense of others. And frequently it doesn’t work anyway and so you’re frustrated. The whole process of lacking and longing, thus duality, means suffering.

There is one way in which desire can function in a good way. When you let your desire become infinite. Infinity is already in the desire, desire is infinite. “I want everything.” Then you’re honest. You have a notion to be everything and that is the foundation of all desires. If that becomes clear and you really go along with it, focus on the infinity of desire – “I want everything, everything; I won’t stop, no: infinity, everything” … Just look at what happens. That is the only way in which desire can be useful.

Visitor: You don’t get stuck in the desire?
You can get stuck in your desire anywhere.  It’s about lifting the entire dual structure in which the desire exists. This occurs when the desire becomes one hundred percent. When it becomes infinite, what does that mean? Then doesn’t the desire dissolve in infinity?

How can you control that?
You don’t need to control that. You focus yourself on your desire to the extent that it has infinity within it. Then you go beyond the objects of your desire, you let your desire naturally break open in all directions, infinitely. In the Tantra that proceeds step by step, via different gods and worlds and such, with help from all sorts of tools. When you really go along into the infinite, they usually disappear as temporarily useful resources. When the energy of the desire can develop by itself infinitely all sorts of restrictions dissolve by themselves. If the energy of the desire – but the same goes for that of disgust – is allowed to develop in all directions, is there anything left of that energy? So go along with what you find to be really important. Do it totally, one hundred percent, infinitely. Then every duality dissolves.

How is it then with yourself and action?
When you enter totally into it, don’t all your individual structures dissolve? Then there’s no ego any longer as the source of desire. Everything is open. If you love a specific person … you have to look at what kinds of wars have arisen through this. But if you let that loving become totally open, infinite, then only love is left over.

I get it.
Just let it happen.

If there is an emotion that just won’t disappear and which you just can’t release, then the emotion offers you a good chance. If the infinite is going to break open, then going along with the emotional energy that you are identified with is a good opportunity.  The emotion can easily become infinite and precisely because you’re identified with it, you experience that you yourself are endless. So you and the energy dissolve.

Everyone has certainly done this. When you are really mad at someone, and go along with the emotion so that it fully develops … when you are authentic in your grief… one hundred percent sorrow… how does it continue? Your whole state becomes universal. At a given moment the energies dissolve and there is a great silence, a blank state.

The point is that when you don’t consciously recognize it, then you easily return once again to the duality by creating a bodily person anew and diving back into it. Then everything starts back up again, the cycle continues. If you just recognize it once, then through that, the cycle is broken.

Take sleep. You go to sleep and you do that in a complete way. You throw yourself in, one hundred percent. If you don’t, then you don’t sleep. As long as you do sleep, it means that you’re involved in it one hundred percent. And when that is so, then soon there is the blank sphere, because the relaxation lets you continue infinitely.

The important point then is that you become aware of it. If something in your situation becomes one hundred percent, there easily arises a narrowing of consciousness. Just see that with anger, love, or anything else. “I wasn’t myself”, you say afterwards. “I have to collect myself again.” What do you mean by that?  That the individual personality with his limitations and controls has to be restored. “I was out of my mind.” But that is exactly the point: if you are internally very aware in that “out of your mind” moment, you can confirm that the structures that were there originally, aren’t there any longer, that everything has broken open, that there is silence. You have that also in the dreamless state and in meditation. You are meditating. If you start dreaming on the mental level or you are fighting to stop thinking, the limitation remains. If the meditation can continue, you get a release of boundaries.

But you must be aware of yourself, confirm internally, because otherwise you won’t know what’s going on. “I was gone”, “I had a black-out”, you say afterwards, and you want to knit the loose ends back together. The old structures come back, because they are the patterns that unconsciously prevail in ordinary life. Early in the morning when you awaken, most of the reconstruction work is already done. There is a person formed before you are aware of it. But if you can remain aware of the blank sphere, it’s clear that you no longer have to go into those patterns. No, when awareness is, there is one hundred percent open-self-being. While it is present, it is the internal confirmation that makes it stable.

Is there anything difficult about that?

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