Is there still a chunk of anxiety in yourself somewhere?

Advaita Post, Volume 14 No. 11

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Text satsang

An Advaita talk with Douwe Tiemersma, Gouda, October 3, 2007

Is there still a chunk of anxiety in yourself somewhere? What would it mean if all cares were to disappear?

We have often looked at what happens when you sit down and relaxation arises. The focus on all sorts of things that should still happen disappears. But even closer to yourself, on a deeper level, something else can disappear which has to do with worry and concern. That can disappear in this stillness or at least you can ask the question: what would it mean if all concerns were to disappear? Many deep seated motivations and desires arise from a deep anxiety. You may be aware of their source. Of course it has to do with that center of yourself, which we call the first-person. The worry emanates from that ‘me’. If this anxiety were to disappear that ego would also disappear on that deep level. The first impulses, the first orientations, the first tendencies, the first motivations come from this source. When this concern, which is a kind of anchor, drops, there is absolutely no orientation any longer. The ‘I want that’, ‘I wish’, has disappeared. This is freedom from that central anchor. As long as it’s there, there is concern about itself. The ‘I’ wants to continue to live, it wants to do everything. This is rarely recognized consciously. Traditionally these are called Vasanas: the first focused energies, the first tendencies, first inclinations. This anchoring can disappear. Then life goes on in the great whole in a spontaneous manner. It’s important that you get a better look at that first centering with that concern for itself. Most people live on a different level, but they certainly are driven by these basic tendencies. This concern then frequently expresses itself as a vague nagging feeling, something indefinable. That nagging feeling can manifest itself, for example, in depression or various fears.

Of course, these are certain concentrated energies. How does their dissolution occur? It can only happen in a greater space. It is a space of feeling consciousness. You see and experience these energies. You experience everything. Of course you are not different from anything else, but certainly you are the whole space. Within it everything can dissolve. Whatever applies to the more superficial lumps of feeling energies also applies to this very subtle basis-centering of energy, the Vasanas. So it’s good to always ask yourself again: is there still a piece of anxiety in myself somewhere? What would it mean if the last care were to disappear? So that is this basis-anchorage. Recently someone said when speaking about this same subject: “Yes, so then where are you?” So then, nowhere.

With the processes of expansion and letting go you always see two things. On the one hand: it is beautiful, everyone is looking for it. On the other hand: at a given moment it can certainly be dangerous, especially when it concerns these basic things. You really lose something which was always there. You are very hesitant to do that. That basic structure is going to disappear. This week someone said: “I need to remodel my house first.” Apparently all that needed to happen first. Apparently there are still focused energies that still need to find  expression. When these basic concerns completely disappear, then life lives itself. There doesn’t need to be a knot anywhere that holds everything together and from which all things must be regulated and controlled. When that basis-knot of energies, in which the self is fully invested just disappears, then what happens to the self-being? Then it comes totally free! When you have a little feeling for it, then you can also see when a tendency arises to reconstruct it. There only needs to be a little worry for it to re-emerge and you have it once again.

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