Do you see the tragedy of man: infinite being and yet tightly holding on to the limited? April 1, 2012

Volume 13 nr. 7

Seeing without a center

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Do you realize that non-duality is the reality?

 

Realization only is, when non-duality is your reality.

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The construction of ‘I’ and world

In the previous post there was a passage about returning to the sensory world after the anesthesia from the empty, yet apparently inexhaustibly creative origin: “Then there is the sense that it [the origin] can be known and the ‘I am aware’ and ‘I am’, the principle of being and consciousness without form, already exist very vaguely within it. That is the beginning from which the formation of the individual body, the world, and yourself in the world proceeds.”

After the anesthetic the step by step formation was clear in the clarity of consciousness. It takes place from vague pains and other not yet identified physical impressions, from grotesque flying bodily debris: back, hands, face … Gradually, through the agglomeration of the debris, a more organized body arises. In a similar way and simultaneously, the world that belongs to that body arises from the fragments of the sheets, tubes, pipes, walls, etc… of the Intensive Care unit. It’s an incredibly extensive construction, a whole creation. The ‘I’-person has nothing to do with the vast majority of that construction, because it is a later product of creation. Only in an advanced agglomeration of body and world does the past of the you of the operation, of before the operation, of fragments of your collected biography, arise. Therefore it’s also nonsense to say that your ‘mind’ creates the world. That’s too great an honor for yourself as a mental being. The creation is a miracle. It arises just like that, without giving an explanation, from nothing. It arises just like that from the absolute non-duality, via the universal non-duality (the oceanic sphere), the world of I-consciousness and forms. The important point is that with great lucidity you can still affirm that the non-duality is preserved: the universal non-separation of self and forms/qualities continues to exist despite the formation of body, I-consciousness, feeling, thought, world, present-past-future.  The non-separation of empty origin and creation remain.

That the sensory world then also re-arises was clear with the tasting of food and drink. After a period of intravenous nutrition and tube feeding, just drinking normal apple juice from a package was a revelation. The taste was very strong and delicious, because it was new. It reminded me of the New Year’s Eve long ago, in the 50’s, when I first consciously tasted apple juice, strong and delicious, because then also, the taste was new. That’s how it was, too with the pudding I had in the hospital. It was like the first time I had tasted custard from a bottle: that delicious full vanilla flavor. I asked for it again as dessert on my birthday. So too the taste of coffee in the hospital was like before: too strong and too bitter, but tasty as children’s coffee with lots of milk and sugar. A particular aspect to all these delicacies was that in the moment of enjoyment there was just taste, with the enjoyment of that taste quality like an infinite space (see Advaita Post 9-10 You can taste a strawberry ice cream and you’re gone, the ice cream too is gone: one taste).

It was an incredible experience that the taste experiences and taste world revived so thoroughly after such a holiday. From that perspective, it is clear that there is a strong habituation to tasting, that ever stronger stimuli are needed to maintain the same taste in food and drink, and the food industry takes advantage of that. Further, it’s clear that it’s not necessary to stay stuck in a habitual and artificial flavor world. By fasting now and then, the taste construction and its habituation is brought into light.

This applies to all aspects of your sensory world. You can recognize the simplicity once again through an enforced all or nothing return to a simpler world.

Then you break through the standard situation in which everything is obviously present in a particular way and you become aware of the obvious, including your own attachments. It then offers the opportunity to become free of those attachments. See it in the sensory aspects of your existence and world, see it in all aspects, including the most fundamental.

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Text satsang

From a talk with Douwe Tiemersma, Hoorneboeg, March 6, 2009

 

The universal conflict: expansion and retention

The radical breaking open can go completely by itself. When that doesn’t happen, it makes sense to look very carefully at what is apparently closed, what is stuck, but what can still break open. It will have to come into the light of consciousness, so that it can open. It can come completely free through consciousness. Of course it’s about yourself, your own self-being. When there something in it that is closed, you will need to see that very clearly. When it remains vague, there’s no question what follows. When this vagueness remains, and that’s all too easily the case, then your whole life is based on that closed off area. Then it has an effect on all aspects of your life, without you being aware of the cause. What can you say about those closed off things? They have the character of stuck energies. When all goes well, energies both give and take space. They flow, they dissolve, but they can also be stuck. It’s about energy, but at the same time it’s about the self-being that has identified itself with energy. So it too, contains a piece of consciousness. Traditionally, when a new individual life arises, it is said: “The self has incarnated in a piece of energy and then says: this is me.” When that identification is there, there is one complex: not just of energy, but of ‘I’ and energy, an ‘I’-energy complex. The experience then is that everything that happens to that chunk of energy happens to yourself. What happens to the body then also happens to yourself. So you’re positioned in that piece of inner energy, there is an internal in contrast to an external world. Everything from the external world which comes at that piece of energy/matter, comes at you.

Why can’t this energy clump/ matter flow freely? Apparently there is a force that restrains the energy. If there were to be no restrictive force, the energy would take the space. Usually in a very early stage of life that restriction isn’t very strong, but in order to be able to differentiate internal and external energies, the restriction gradually increases in strength. There are all kinds of forces that limit or capture vital energy. You see how quickly the energies are absorbed by the self-being, so that an ‘I’-complex is formed with all kinds of energetic shells that function restrictively (kosha’s). These restrictive energies in the sphere of the ‘I’-identity are expressed as judgments: “I can’t do this or that”, “I am this body”, “this belongs to this body  but not that”, “there is a border here”, “it shouldn’t go any further”, “I am my brain”, “I think”, and so on. Then there is an internal conflict. On the one hand the energies want to take the space, and on the other hand, they are held back. A dam arises when the restricting force of internal or external energy is especially strong. When that inner damming is very strong the energy seeks a way out in a less attractive way, such as aggression. In an early phase of life the situation is still very open. When this openness is attacked, it can be experienced so intensively that the reaction is total, a total fear, because it is perceived as a total threat. In the further course of life, this doesn’t occur so frequently in daily consciousness because it is repressed. In addition, there are complexes that you acquire later in life. All these things that you keep outside of your daily consciousness still continue to play a role in the shaping of your life.

When we are engaged in yoga as a liberation of the body schema, it’s usually not about very strong emotional things, but rather about established physical structures that are deeply ingrained, such as top and bottom, left and right, the size of your body, and so on. When an expansion comes you see that at first the simpler things come free but increasingly you have to deal with much deeper issues that are much tighter, more restrictive and more emotionally charged. They come free when more space comes.

It’s good to see that inner conflict very clearly. Primarily energy has a tendency to expand. This is expressed on the level of the person as a desire for liberation. Even when there is an identification with a solid chunk of energy, such as the body and traumatic experiences, that desire for expansion, for broadening remains present. It is something authentic because, in principle, the self-being is not limited. Therefore everyone has a longing for that universal expansion. The other side is also there. The self-being is linked to that specific form, that lump of specific energy/matter through identification. That identity has become an anchor through habituation, a certain basis, which you experience as yourself. When that energy starts to fall apart, there is fear that the self is falling apart. On the one hand there is the authentic desire for infinite expansion, on the other hand, there is the desire to hold on to the form and with that, retain your normal-identity. This is a huge conflict.

That identity is continually reinforced from the outside and so it’s always a big dilemma.

Yes, but apparently you absorb that affirmation. It’s an inner conflict. It’s the basic conflict that all people live with, the greatest conflict that there is. Everyone relates to it in their own way, but everyone has it. So it’s good to see how it works. People are positioned in that conflict with a double desire. On the one hand to be infinite, and on the other hand to be identical with a form which man imagines shouldn’t change. Therefore people want to have an eternal life and they’ll do everything they can to stretch it out a few years. That’s a huge misunderstanding, the biggest misunderstanding that there is. The desire for infinity is authentic because the self-being is not stuck in a form. Infinity then becomes identified with a limited form. Different levels get mixed up. Of course you get problems with that. You notice that the limited form is not eternal. Do you see the absurdity of that contradiction? Do you see the tragedy of man? Do you now see the suffering it causes? Do you see that it’s not necessary?

You needn’t fear death because you already are that great space. February 8, 2010

Advaita Post, Volume 11 No. 3

Sure, you can say: “Horse fly”, but the strangeness makes everything strange, including yourself.

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Text Satsang

From a talk in Gouda on August 30, 2009 (Part 3)

Contraction and expansion

Visitor:  I often find that I try to improve things and ideas in order to match them better to my goals and desires, so that they suit me better.
Douwe: This often happens: you’re busy in your work or anywhere and you find that it should go differently, in a way that is better for you or is more desirable. That situation is always a mix, a mixture of the one and the other. Initially there is a greater consciousness, a sense of something that is better and more authentic than what currently exists. Secondly you quickly connect that understanding to a variety of practical goals in the world and in your life. Then you go after it with all the tension which already exists there.

You can look at your own spiritual path in this way. Each path begins with a dual situation in which a person thinks that can he achieve something by committing to one path. “I will adjust my life to what I experience for myself as more authentic.” The positive is that there is already a sense of what is really authentic and that there is the desire to realize it. Of course you know that, because you are that, even though the realization is not yet fully aware. If you keep projecting the authentic onto particular conditions, you’ll notice that you haven’t moved much, and have even gotten stuck. Then, as soon as possible, it’s best to reaffirm what your real impulse is, your true desire, your true authenticity. This goes further and is also closer to you than you could ever imagine. So take a look again at your own situation and stay true to your own notion and impulse from the start. Within it there is already something of the infinite. When you stay aware of “what fits better for you”, then you get a certain development in which the restrictions continue to disappear and proceed towards the infinite openness.

When that happens, then life appears just as it is, organizing itself in the best way possible, however it may go. Principally, there’s no worry any longer; so it’s free.

When the self recognizes its own nature as freedom, then not only the self but everything along with it becomes freed. Your whole life becomes free, your claims on other people become free.  So you release others.

So stay with yourself as an infinitely free sphere. Stay lucid. When you establish it clearly, internally there is the immediate knowledge: this is good.

Sometimes I fall into a deep sleep with great awareness. But up until now I always awaken quite suddenly. It’s a startling response of the physical body.
This is an I-residue with biological roots that suddenly rise back up within the aware sinking into deep sleep. This mechanism doesn’t exist at the mental level, but much deeper. The feeling suddenly arises: “I’m going to die”.

The I-residue arises from that deep seated will: “I want to live”. Then you are at that level. While you sink away into a dreamless sleep, you experience that everything disappears, that you disappear. Apparently there is still such a strong “I-want-to-live” will that it suddenly says: “Stop.” At that deep level, the “I-want-to-live” is a kind of cramp, which opposes further relaxation. In such a situation that cramp can suddenly strike.

And if that doesn’t happen, you go from the waking to the dream state.
The point is that there is usually a closing off of consciousness and there is nothing more for you to worry about. As awareness of this process increases there is a release of the last remnant of ego tension. Just stay aware of yourself as you go to sleep. And keep floating in the sphere previous to the reaction. Confirm it with awareness: here it is so spacious and relaxed; I am myself and it feels good. The process can continue in that familiar realm of self-being without forms. Then it becomes increasingly clear that you are not dependent on an I-remnant for ongoing survival. The self-being doesn’t need to be afraid of death, because it already is that great space. When that becomes somewhat obvious, you can stay longer, you become more relaxed and feel at home.

How can you halt that falling off process for a moment?
This is possible by becoming more aware of the process of relaxation. “Delicious, I feel all the heaviness fall away; I feel the deep relaxation; I feel myself dissolving in infinity, that’s wonderful, because I already am that space.” When that continues to define the situation, there is no fear.

You can compare that fear with agoraphobia (fear of open spaces). How can someone get over it? Of course, behavioral therapy can help by becoming used to the space, but the  question is whether the fear then won’t take on another form. A deep trust must come, for example through someone else who will go with you and say: “Come on; you don’t need to be afraid; you’ll see it will be all right.” Only when more trust comes, you see that there is nothing to be afraid of.

So have trust; it is good.

It is and stays good, because you are yourself and remain so.

The more clearly that you can be aware of yourself on the subtler levels, the better it can go. If you’re not aware of yourself there, there can be a sudden panic which totally disrupts the whole situation. You see that the same processes exist there as on coarser levels. When you are clearly aware of yourself there, you can have trust and let go. That can continue in your conscious feeling sphere, until it’s clear that there’s nothing to hold on to and that there is no self-being that could and would hold on to anything.

This can dissolve only when you experience that you are more spacious than your contraction; see where that leads. January 26, 2010

Advaita Post, Volume 11 No. 2

“What was my condition, before there was experience? Who was there to answer this question? … that ‘I’ which has no shape and doesn’t know itself as ‘I am’. “

*(See Information below)

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Text Satsang

From a  talk in Gouda on August 30, 2009 (Part 2)

Contraction and expansion

Visitor: For me, sometimes there is a constricted situation. Then consciousness is completely closed off and there is even a physical cramp.  Then I notice that I have a tendency to try to run away from it.

Douwe: However it is: it’s always possible to just sit still. See what happens when you sit still and leave the situation as it is. Just leave it.

Look, more space just comes while you remain sitting there so quietly. Notice it. What kind of space? It’s the space of your feeling being-awareness. What’s going on with you in this situation: yes, there is the expansion of your own aware sphere, of yourself. You receive more space than that of the contraction. Great. Keep observing: how is it then with the space in relation to the constriction? The cramp is present in that space. Therefore the energy tension that is there can dissolve in the space.

This process is somewhat parallel to that of ordinary physics. In normal energetics when there are other forces at work an imbalanced situation can arise. If a body is in uniform motion and there are no other forces acting upon it, then that motion will continue indefinitely. If there is to be a change, a force must be applied, there must be an event of energetic force. This applies also to the concentration of energy. If there is no concentrating force functioning, then that energy will dissipate evenly in the space. That’s the law of entropy. There is a radiator, or here is a candle flame, and there is space. The heat spreads itself evenly in the room.

This applies also to the concentration of emotional energy. When you feel tension, it is an emotional energy which is blocked by an external obstruction or by internal forces near to the centre of the tension. As these forces disappear through relaxation, the previously held energies expand and spread themselves evenly in the space, that is dissolving. Somewhere you experience cramps or stress, and there is a much greater space. Within that space a relaxation of the contracting forces happens rather easily. In the space they have less and less hold. The pieces of energy will then expand and dissolve. When you stay somewhat aware of your own space you can see that happen. With small energetic disturbances dissolution occurs very easily. But with serious tensions it happens in precisely the same way.

So where should you look: the space and not the contraction. Of course, it’s also present within the greater space, but because you no longer sit in the centre of tension, the holding power isn’t there any more. So when the internal holding power of the ego isn’t there any longer, all the accumulated tension-energy flies away. Better off without it!

In your consciousness-space you see and feel how much you maintain your own contraction. You can say that it has arisen through a long period of construction. But when you become aware of the whole situation, it’s simply absurd that you let it continue to exist, which is to say that you continue to exert the force to hold on tightly to that energy. Internally there is still the idea of an ‘I’: “that belongs to me”, “I have to hold onto myself”; “I have to keep this whole thing under control”. That’s an illusion. When you see the suffering caused by that illusion, then isn’t it absurd that you still want to hold it all together? You must see how ridiculous that is.

That illusion especially concerns your self-image. You should take a look at how much you have invested in it. It’s an illusory idol. You know how it goes with idols: they eat their devotees.

You see it and see through it, and through that the magic spell is broken. That magic trick you learned to know so well. When you notice that there is still an energy where you are stuck, you say: now that’s enough; now that nonsense of constantly acting so pompous really must stop.

Is the illusion an idea from yourself?

It’s a certain image of yourself that you have, either half-consciously or unconsciously, with the quality: “this is important because this is me”, and even: “this is the most important”. That’s an illusion.

Is the self-image a thought?

No, it’s not just a thought. It goes much deeper. Of course, it’s also a thought, but it exists on all levels of your existence. It works on unbelievably deep levels, so also the physical, and the feeling. You have to see all the way through it to that great depth.

When the identity with that particular image is no longer there, life can continue in a free manner. Then there is the normal course of things: every organism grows, becomes adult, moves off and disappears again. Take a look at Schiermonnikoog [an island off the coast of the Netherlands]: you see gulls there in all different stages of decomposition. It naturally belongs to them. When you see that, isn’t it absurd that you attach such great importance to your corruptible body, that you give yourself so completely over to it, that you hang yourself up there?

 In relations with other people there are all kinds of crosscurrents. Then shouldn’t you do something?

Don’t close off the space. Stay in the infinite self-space.  Nothing else really needs to be done. Everything happens by itself.  Heartbeat and breathing, seeing and hearing, walking and talking, getting things ready, washing things up, it all happens by itself.

As you look back in your life, you can see all kinds of events. Then you can also directly confirm it:  all the things in this life are events that happen by themselves in the great space. So then do you still need to identify with the person there in those photos? No, you survey everything afterwards from a distance and say: that’s naturally how things go in that great space.

How is it with yourself? All the things of life are very temporary: they appear and disappear once again. If you live for over one hundred years – what is one hundred years now – there is nothing more to find of this little person. Maybe somewhere there is still a grandchild or so that has heard something about that grandfather or grandmother. But that’s nothing. So your life is principally relative: a piece of life that flares up and then that piece dissolves again in the great whole. So do you still need to make it more important than it really is? By making things in the world and in your life personally important, you preserve something of your personal self and directly that means that that constitutes a part of your ‘I’-identity. Which directly means that everything that happens to all those things, happens to you. If you identify yourself with your life, you know that when you die, your life will end.

When you have returned to your Self a little bit, you say: that’s nonsense. When you are free from personal constraints, you are everything.

Keep it very simple and very pure. Imagine that you are free from everything which is temporal, which exists under conditions. Apparently it is so.

When a conditioned energy pops up again and you have the tendency to make it very important, just immediately turn back again and experience that you are more and much larger than the phenomenon so that the contraction can dissolve therein. Do this constantly, constantly! See where it leads.

It is directly clear and very simple.

Is there anyone who doesn’t find it to be like that?

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* Information

The dust cover pictured above is from the new book containing previously unpublished dialogues of Nisargadatta Maharaj from 1979-1980: De bron van het zijn [The source of being] (ISBN 978 09 77194 07 2, 162 pages, 15.95 Euros).  Next week the book will appear from Advaita Uitgeverij  (in Dutch).  For further information and possibilities to order see the website: Nisargadatta Maharaj, De bron van het zijn